April Flowers Brings May & June Showers

Well, I am still catching up on my blogs from being months behind. I really don't have to play catch up but it is very important to me for my healing from the inside out on a daily basis. 


Well, the weekend of Mother's Day one of my sisters and I gave my mother a surprise visit in Florida which made her very very happy. May 17, 2012 as I worked and listened to Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church in Charlotte, God revealed to me that I have never been loved. Yes loved by friends and family but never really loved by any man I was in a relationship with. That understanding did not bother me one bit it actually freed me to understand the love of God more so that when my Boaz does come into my life I truly understand what love is. 


After rejoicing and shedding a few tears of happiness my mother calls me and she is crying. She says she didn't mean to call me and I said, " Awww ,yes you did, what's the matter?"  She says she has bad news and I ask her if her husband died and she said no but instead the shock of my life that blew me away...my cousin Tanisha was shot and killed! I could not even control my tears and screams while at work so my boss clocked me out and told me to go home. I tried to drive but I couldn't because of my uncontrollable tears and emotions so I pulled over until i was able to calm down enough to drive. I eventually drove to a park close to home where I sat in my car and mourned over the awful news about Nish. 


I met Nish at my grandmother's funeral in 2010 and from there we got close and made plans to attend our family reunion in Florida the weekend of July 20-22 and to go to the Uptown Memorial Cookout in Philly together which is held every year for the celebration of lost friends and loved ones. Nish left behind 2 young children, both her parents and siblings, as well as a host of other family members and friends. The day after her passing I was lead to start a memorial page on Facebook for all of her friends and family. There are currently over 600+ people in there posting comments, pictures, and messages. Someone said to me that they wouldn't have done it nor do they go to the page basically because it keeps the memory of the death of the person in your face but myself and many disagree. It has allowed her children, family, and friends to keep her memory alive this way and to express how they feel. Whether the page is up or not people who knew and love her have things that will always remind them of Nish. 

On May 25, 2012 Tanisha Marie Finch born May 7, 1981, was laid to rest and white doves were released to show her freedom with our Heavenly Father. Gone but not forgotten May 7, 1981-May 17, 2012


On June 1, 2012, I am taking a deep breath, laying on the couch in the dark, talking to one my best friends on the phone and saying that I am going to get my tail up, clean up, stop crying, and know that my cousin is in a better place...then I get a text that my children's aunt was found dead in her bed by her children!! I cannot take this grief anymore!! Not Lexi!! I have known her for over 22 years!! What the hell!! Alexis Wilson is the sister of my very true and first love Brian Wilson and aunt to my children. Lexi left behind 6 small children, her mother, and her siblings, along with a host of loved ones and friends. There is no word as to how Lexi died just yet, all I know is that she had a urinary tract infection which could have caused some other issues for her but at this point she is gone :( 


I could not make it to Lexi's funeral which was in Georgia on June 11, 2012 because my funds were depleted from going to Philly for Nish's homegoing a week before. I truly couldn't take another funeral, I felt like I was loosing my mind!

Alexis A Wilson born July 9, 1976-June 1, 2012 gone from this life onto a better place. 


How sad all of this was for May and June but the weekend after Lexi died, I woke up in tears and about an hour later God showered me with a comfort and peace beyond understanding which allowed me to relax and know that both Nish & Lexi are in a better place...I will see you both again someday.