I have not posted in a while due to grad school, work, new meds, and just being plain tired or moody. It is 3am and I should be asleep; I will be going soon just felt the need to post. There are so many things that people are reading, involved in, etc on the world wide web so I don't expect posts to be read all the time. I don't post in hopes that someone will read and respond, I post because it makes be feel good. Some days I log on to read others posts with the intention of writing in my blog but it does not happen all of the time. This morning I am posting because I feel a little down and alone right now. I had an amazing day with an amazing photographer Saturday who made me feel like the awesome beautiful and special Queen that I am. I looked flawless!!! My makeup artist did a magnificent job on my brows, lashes and face. Even though my clothes did not fit like I wanted them to due to being 30lbs lighter (yipppeee), I looked radiant!! Through all of the excitement from the day, I took too long to eat and developed a hunger migraine. After the shoot I treated myself to some broiled catfish, turnip greens, hush puppies, and a garden salad only eating a small portion in hopes that the pain in my head would subside enough for me to drive home. Needless to say, it did so I received a 'to go box' and drove my tail home. Once I arrived home I admired my beauty in the mirror, took a few shots of myself and sent them to my sister, my mom, and my dad, then I got undressed and laid down while playing music softly. I woke up about 4 hours later in time to take my evening medication and my headache was gone but I just didn't feel well. After taking the medication I laid back down in the dark with the music playing softly saying to myself, " I am such a phenomenal woman...I want to be loved unconditionally and I want to be in love again." I know that God has an amazing plan for me and that my Boaz is currently being trained up, while his Proverbs 31 Woman (me of course lol) is being prepared, so I sigh and take a deep breath then allow God to love on me. I have so many people around me who love me, care for me, and are great friends to me so why would I have any reason to feel like I feel right now and have been feeling for some time now? I try to blame it on the side affects of the medication but in reality I have felt this way before I started taking medication, it is just intensified. Then I sit back and say," I'm whining about wanting to be loved but do I even have the patience for a relationship? Do I even know how to love and be loved?" That is unnerving to think about but it is reality. I always hear people say such wonderful things about me and how a man would be honored to be with me, happy to be with me, etc., etc. and I always hear it from good men who are...already spoken for. What does all of that mean to me? It means that I know it is the truth, it will happen, and I will continue to wait patiently until that day comes then welcome it with open....arms that is :-) There are so many things I need to be grateful for and trust me I am, just sometimes I need to get the knot out of my throat or the tightness in my stomach relaxed or the sadness in my eyes out so I do it in writing this blog. I feel a little better right now but I am more so concerned with getting some sleep so I will end this by saying...MY BEST IS YET TO COME!!! I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!! I AM GOD'S FAVORITE HEALED DAUGHTER!!! I AM A PROVERBS 31 WOMAN!!! I AM PHENOMENALLY LUVLEE!!
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