For a while now I have not been feeling well at all but I cover it up with a smile, a "I'm healed", an "all is well", or with silence. A little over a month ago I had been in so much constant pain from my back and hips that I began to feel snappy and really miserable. I finally went to see a chiropractor was told I have a herniated disc along with the degenerative disease in both my hips, lower back, and knees that I was diagnosed with over a year ago. Okay, okay...I start getting treatments and thank you Jesus I am no longer in constant pain!!
Sometime last year when it was announced that Sade would be coming to the States for her Soldier of Love Tour I just kept confessing that I was going! Each city on the East Coast that she was scheduled to tour in I said I was going. When I saw the ticket prices I thought to myself, ' they are high and not in my budget' but I kept saying that I was going to see Sade in concert. She came to Charlotte and I just knew I was going to go but didn't have the funds. The she was scheduled to be right here in Greensboro NC on September 10 at 7pm, talk about excited!! I knew I didn't have the funds but I still kept saying that I was going to this concert and meant it. About three weeks before all of this I get a message that my childhood best friend is in the hospital on life support due to some heart problems he was having and all I can do is pray and cry and pray and believe that he would be fine. Every day I am saying that he will live and not die, he will wake up, he will get off life support and be healed. I'm really trying not to stress or be down so I just continue to speak life into all of these situations. Well about 2 weeks ago I had a headache and my gums started to hurt so I decided to go to the dentist. Those who really know me know that I am particular about my teeth and I really 'take care of them'...the best way I can that is. The dentist told me that I had infection in my gums due to improper cleaning! I was so grossed out and upset because I thought I was doing the dag on thing keeping my mouth clean. I was oh so wrong lol. Evidently the infection has been going on long enough for it to really make me feel bad physically. Ok long story short I received antibiotics, an oral mouth rinse, and an extensive cleaning from my dentist with instructions on proper daily flossing. I feel much better now...but here is the kicker!
I'm at home Saturday September 10 just watching movies all day and basically lounging because by now of course I have no funds and cannot see Sade in concert. I said oh well I have mostly all of her songs anyway so I'll have my own concert. My phone rings about 7:20pm or so with a number I am not familiar with and when I answer it the caller is a church member know and she goes on to say how she remembers me posting and saying that I wanted to go to the Sade concert. She says she has 4 FREE tickets to the Sade concert and I can have them and bless 3 other people with a ticket!!! WHAT??? ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!????!!! I am crying and happy and she tells me to get up get dressed and go have a ball!! I knew John Legend was playing and I could get ready and to the coliseum before Sade came on. I blessed 3 other ladies I knew and to the concert I went!! Yes I am so happy because I know God answers prayers and He came through big for me that night, not because of the concert though. Here is the biggie...while jammin' to Sade I get a text from my best friend's mom saying that he is off life support and breathing on his own, awake and alert!!! My God is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!
I am thankful for every blessing in my life and I declare I will not forget the glory of the Lord in my life and those I love. Last Thursday was my doctors appointment where my viral load (amount of virus in my blood) and cd4(T-Helper cells/soldiers that fight off infection) are check to see where I stand in the fight with HIV. Well before this appointment my numbers were steady but I was still told to think about medication in the event my numbers got lower so I did the research just to have the knowledge. I informed my doctor of how bad I had been feeling and the different things that I had been going through physically, so I was very anxious to know my test results. I will be honest I was a little nervous but I had to stand strong on healing regardless of the test results.and trying to combat those thoughts with positive ones. Then I began to feel anger as the day went by, anger for what was done to me but more so anger with myself. I retreated back to some of the feelings I had years ago. I was going through a serious emotional roller coaster that I HAD to get off of because I was about to flip out. It has been 10 years and I have never been on medication nor have I gotten sick from the virus and all I could say was...'I'm ok, it'll be ok...' When I got the test results I tried to call certain people in my circle because I needed someone to talk to, of course I couldn't reach them because I needed to talk to God instead so that is what I did. A few hours when by and to make a long story short I spoke with a Pastor friend of mine who God used to remind me of who I am and Who's I am and that I WILL LIVE!!!
I got through that day and the next day and the next. Today 9/22/11 I went to see my doctor so that she can discuss the regimen I would be taking and I will be starting a 3-in-1 pill on 9/23/11 that I will take at night. There are some side affects but I believe that I will do just fine. Just because I have to take medication does not make my faith low or null and void. As a matter of fact this is a part of the phenomenal testimony that I will share with the world, what the enemy meant for bad God turned around for my good! I will not give up!! I will continue to stand!! As God revealed to me some time ago...YOU WILL LIVE AND NOT DIE!! I WILL LIVE!!!
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